


Wild Heart

by virus_ss



Category: Bleach
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-09-25 20:56:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virus_ss/pseuds/virus_ss
Summary: You're not a hallucination and I'm extremely attracted to you but you don't know what love is so this is really awkward.





	1. Gay for Hallucinations

It was a pretty simple task. Go get groceries, take a walk instead of biking because it was a nice evening. Nothing Adri couldn't handle.

As he exited the supermarket he marveled at the sunset currently at its apex, painting over the blue of the sky with deep reds, oranges, and pinks. As pretty as it was, it was also a subtle reminder that it'd probably be dark by the time he made it home, motivating him to hurry on his way. He hefted the bag in his hand and began to walk the couple miles back to his house.

The walk was a little arduous, and he mentally cursed himself for his overly romantic idea about going for a nice stroll. Yeah right. The sun began to dip lower and lower past the horizon and it would surely be dark soon. Sooner than he thought, he noted. Walking home in the dark didn't exactly sound like his cup of tea today, so he tried to pick up the pace, quickly finding that it tired him more than it made any significant progress in reaching his destination.

The longer the walk, the more he slowed down, at this point he was tired and just wanted to be home already. It was dark now, and the temperature was beginning to drop at the absence of the sun to warm the autumn air.

"Jesus fucking Christ, stupid idiot." he swore at himself, zipping up the flimsy hoodie he had worn 'just in case it got cold'. Truly his foresight was 20/20.

As he rounded a corner he realized he was in his neighborhood now and breathed out a sigh of relief. He just wanted to get home and shower at this point, not even wanting to think about the dinner ingredients he had just bought. Maybe he'd order something for delivery instead. He briefly debated whether he deserved it or not, he'd dug this hole so maybe he should lie in it.

Even now, he was even beginning to feel the chill in his facial piercings, gritting his teeth and cursing himself again. A brief shiver wracked him, making him stop. Was it really THAT cold or was he just being a weenie? He turned to look behind him, noting nothing there but not quite being satisfied with that simple glance. Now he was freaking himself out. He swallowed thickly, his eyes trying to take in as much as they could before he sighed, shook his head and then turned back around.

As he did, he froze, suddenly overcome by a feeling of apprehension that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He definitely wanted to hurry home now and he cursed himself once more for deciding to go on this stupid walk. He crept forward, his eyes darting around looking for anything dangerous. Not that he was sure what he'd do if he SAW anything dangerous, he'd probably just book it.

There was a pressure in the air, the feeling of it increasing more and more practically suffocating him. He'd never felt anything this intense before, and he began to pant as breathing became more difficult. 

Home was just a few blocks away, all he had to do was make it there and he'd be safe. From what exactly, he still wasn't sure. He sure as hell didn't want to find out, either.

He took one tentative step, then another. Then two more. As soon as he could consistently move his feet, he sped up, walking faster and then running. Jesus Christ, since when was 5 blocks such a long distance?

He was making damn good progress when a figure suddenly appeared in front of him, making him shriek girlishly and drop his bag. He had appeared out of literally nowhere, about 6' tall with light blue hair and a solid build. The more Adri saw of him, the less sense his appearance made. He wore a jacket with no shirt, exposing a giant gaping hole in his stomach, and a fragment of what looked to be a jaw bone adorned his face. Adri's head buzzed at the sight of him, his eyes widening with some sort of emotion akin to fear.

"Oh Jesus. Oh FUCK." he put his hands to his head as he cursed, looking at the ground then back up at the man in front of him. He paused, looking back down at the ground and then back up at the man who sneered at him. 

"You're no soul reaper." the man spoke, looking positively annoyed.

"S-Soul Reaper?" Adri blinked at him, his eyebrows furrowing before shooting back up. "OH SHIT, I'm having an episode, aren't I?" he dropped his hands from his head, unable to take his eyes off the apparition that had appeared before him.

"What are you going on about? Nevermind, I don't care." the man shook his head. "You're just a human but for some reason, I can sense reiatsu coming from you." his eyes narrowed as if studying him, making Adri momentarily feel like prey before a predator. "Now that I think about it, it's pretty fucking insignificant. Not even sure why I bothered." the man scoffed, tossing his head to the side irritably.

Adri couldn't seem to take his eyes off, what he assumed, was a hallucination. Now that he was sure he was just taking the punishment for not keeping his meds schedule, most of the fear had left him aside from that buzz in the back of his skull and that strange pressure. To be fair, most intense episodes had him feeling that way, so he was certain that that was that. Still... As far as hallucinations went, this was one of the more... palatable ones.

"What are you staring at?" the man spat at him as if disgusted by his very presence. 

"S-Sorry. It's just..." Adri paused, feeling kind of silly for saying this out loud. "You're the hottest hallucination I've ever had, good god."

The man's eyebrow raised at that before immediately situating itself back down. "You shouldn't even be able to see me. What's the deal with you, human?" he spoke as if he hadn't even heard him.

"Oh, I can see you. Yep. I can definitely see you." Adri's head numbly nodded up and down. He probably shouldn't be talking to his hallucinations like this, he probably looked like a lunatic at that moment. He couldn't help it, though. This was a cut above hallucinating those weird monsters that he saw all the time. Was it weird to be attracted to a figment of your mental illness? Hell if he knew.

The man seemed to consider him for a moment as if trying to figure something out. Finally, he let out a 'che' sound and turned his head away again. "I don't have time for this." he sneered before disappearing in the same manner he had appeared. 

Adri stared at the spot he had been standing in for a moment, eyes still wide. "Oh God. Now I'm hallucinating hot monster guys," he said to himself, continuing to stay in that spot before he finally snapped out of his stupor. He picked his bag up off the ground, shaking his head and walking the rest of the way home with the thought of the blue-haired man never leaving his mind. 

As he entered his house he immediately felt himself begin to thaw out from the warmth of the heater he had left on, tossing the bag of purchased ingredients on the table. He didn't have the mental fortitude to cook right now, or even put them away. He just hoped the cats didn't get into them as he flopped himself down on the couch in his living room.

The buzzing in his skull and the strange pressure were completely gone now, leaving him feeling numb and a little shell-shocked. He flexed his hands in front of his face, making sure he wasn't about to descend into psychosis before looking guiltily over at the pill bottle sitting on his coffee table. He bit his lip, remembering that he had put off taking them today and now it was 8 o'clock and way too late. He made a mental note to take them first thing in the morning before his mind drifted back once again to the man he had seen. Attractive men weren't really the type of thing his disorder conjured up often but he wasn't about to complain. For some reason, he got the same feeling from him that he did whenever he saw those weird monsters. It was only those two type of occurrences in fact. He never got them during any other type. 

His eyebrows knit together in thought. He'd have to talk to his therapist about this. He sighed, laying there for a while until the cats came up to him and started crying to be fed. Whatever, he had lost his appetite but these assholes' stomachs were like clockwork. 

He got to work filling their food bowls before heading upstairs for bed. After what had happened he sure as hell needed the rest. 

From getting undressed to turning off the lights to laying in bed, he still couldn't get the image of the strange man out of his mind. He wasn't usually one to dwell on these type of things but he couldn't seem to help it. Something about him just stuck with him and he couldn't get him out of his head no matter how he tried.  
He sighed, turning over onto his side and staring at the window.

"God I'm gay."


	2. Gay and Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going to therapy might make you question if your hallucination would be boyfriend material or not.

"And he had this big, like, hole? Through his stomach? I dunno, it was weird." Adri was sitting on a couch, fiddling with one of his hoodie strings as he relayed the account of what he saw, or _believed he saw_, a couple of days ago.

The person sitting across from his, seeming to take notes in a small book, was his usual therapist, Dani. Every Wednesday at 5 o clock Adri would come here and talk about something or other, usually having to do with his mental health but sometimes other things too.

"Sounds like this one was particularly vivid. You said he spoke to you? What did he say?" Dani questioned, setting their notebook down.

"Uhhh, fuck, lemme think." Adri chewed his lip, bumping his leg as if it fidgeting would help him remember. "Something about... Soul Reapers? I have no idea what that means, so." he shrugged. Honestly, he doubted anything he relayed would make any sense, it sure as hell didn’t to him.

"I see... I can't say I can really make any sense of that either." Dani paused. "... How is your current medication going, Adri?"

Adri flinched, looking away embarrassedly. "Uhm... Okay... When I take it." Fuck. Of course his therapist was going to ask him about his med schedule. He chewed his lip again, growing ashamed of himself as he remembered the pill bottle sitting untouched on his coffee table at home. Typical of him, he had forgotten to take them today as well.

"Gotcha. Do you think your hallucinations might be caused by you forgetting to take your meds?" Dani suggested in a tone far too understanding for Adri to stomach. He always got nauseous when people gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"... Probably." Adri looked at his therapist over his glasses, the blurriness making it easier to look them in the face. Less likely to see that sympathetic expression he _knew_ they were sporting.

"There you go, then. Ah, it looks like we're out of time. If I can make a suggestion before you go, since your memory seems to be getting the best of you, I'd try setting reminders on your phone." Dani stood, prompting Adri to do the same.

"I guess it's worth a shot." Adri shrugged, pushing his glasses up his nose until he could clearly see everything again. He just had to remember to remember that.

"I'll walk you out." Dani smiled and opened the door, allowing Adri to step through into the hallway.

As they walked, Adri's face flushed a slight pink as he remembered something he had wanted to ask. He cleared his throat, building up the courage before taking a deep breath in.

"Dani, is it weird that I thought he was kinda hot?"

His therapist blinked at him before letting out a soft chuckle. "Not at all. Why, was he your type or something?"

Adri's blush darkened and he forced a small laugh. "Something like that."

They finally made it to the lobby, saying their goodbyes before Adri went to the front desk to pay for his session. He lingered for a bit, cursing at himself as he fiddled with his phone, doing as Dani had suggested and adding an alarm for his meds.

"12:00 sounds good, I guess," he mumbled to himself, continuing to look down at his phone as he exited the building.

As the alarm was set, he looked up, noticing that he had almost run into some high school kids. "Oh shit, sorry about that."

"Huh? Oh, no problem." the orange-haired boy seemed to have not noticed him either, and suddenly it was really awkward.

Adri just blinked at him, not saying anything and turned to walk away. Stupid. He could have probably gotten away with not saying anything at all and avoiding an awkward confrontation. He sighed, looking back at the group of kids talking amongst themselves. He had to admit, he was a little envious. Having a friend group like that must be nice.

As he walked home he thought about his own friend-less, single life. He wasn't exactly actively searching for a partner or anything, the thought of having a dating life made him want to gag a little. As it stood, being single and 25 wasn't that strange, but not really having anyone but his cats made him feel kind of pathetic.

He shook his head, trying not to think about it too hard and letting his mind drift to other things. Talking to Dani had made him feel a little better about the whole incident a couple days ago. It wasn't the usual stress-based hallucination that some simple mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy could fix, it definitely was the product of him not keeping up on his meds. He didn't really have anyone but himself to blame for that but now he was going to try to do better. He had set his phone up to remind him to take his pills, surely that meant he was getting his shit together right?

At the thought, his mind drifted once again back to the hallucination itself. The monsters he usually saw were probably also the product of not taking his pills, so what was so different this time? Why the sudden change? It had been so consistent before, the monsters differed in appearance each time but for the most part, they were pretty similar. Why suddenly a strange attractive man?

Oh God, he hoped it wasn't because he was tired of being single. That would be stupid as fuck, and he didn't think he'd be able to live with himself being that pathetic.

He blushed, suddenly embarrassed about thinking about something so domestic because of a simple hallucination. He hadn't seemed like boyfriend material at all in the first place, he was so angry and aggressive. A monster after all, just one in a pretty package.

He slapped himself on the forehead with both palms, wondering how the hell he had let his mind wander to this point. Looking up at his surroundings, he noticed he was in his neighborhood. He had pretty much managed to make his way home completely lost in his thoughts. That was pretty dangerous and he made a mental note to not be so spacey. As useful as those were.

Eventually making it to his house, he unlocked the front door, letting himself in to the sound of frantic 'mieeeeh~!'s.

"Yeah, I'm home, I'm home." Adri bent down to pet at the one fat, one skinny pair of cats at his feet. He had all the unconditional love in the world right here anyway.

Hanging his bag and jacket on the coat rack next to the door, he immediately went to turn up the heater as the sun began to go down and the temperature began to drop. A cold lonely night, how utterly stereotypical.

He managed to go about the rest of his home routine without once thinking about the man he had hallucinated, managing to keep his head clear and undistracted until he was in bed. As he lay there, attempting to fall asleep he sighed, rolling onto his side and cursing quietly to himself.

God, he was lonely.


	3. Gay and Medicated

Adri's eyes snapped open, a shrill beeping sound rousing him from his sleep. He squinted, sitting up and looking around.

"Guess I fell asleep..." he said aloud to himself, noting that he was still on the couch in his living room. From the way the light was shining through his windows, he guessed it was about mid-day, so he hadn't been asleep for TOO long.

He turned his attention to the source of the sound; his phone sitting on the coffee table. There was a notification on the screen reading 'Take your gotdamn pills'.

Oh.

Adri sighed, looking at the medication bottle sitting conveniently on the coffee table as well, like a sign urging him to finally get his shit together. He briefly pondered if he was turning into his mother, afraid of changing for the better. He certainly didn't have an excuse this time, he'd set an alarm and now it was staring him in the face with the intention fresh on his mind.

He opened the bottle, pouring one of the tiny pills out into his hand. Staring at it for a moment, he considered it and all that it meant for him. He always felt better when he was on his meds, he honestly _did_ want to be well. In the back of his mind, he once again wondered if it was really his shitty memory that was the problem or if it was that lingering fear of change.

He shook his head. This was getting stupid, he should just take the damn pill already.

Standing up with no further fanfare, he made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a can of that sparkling fruit water he was forcing himself to like and, with a single drink, swallowing the pill. He didn't give himself more room or time to think about his personal issues, it was just a damn pill.

He stood in the kitchen for a little while, idly sipping water from the can. His mind was blank until he heard a familiar 'mieeeehhhh' from the floor. Looking down, he smiled at the pair of cats looking up at him expectantly.

"I'm not gonna feed you just because I'm in the kitchen." he addressed them.

The chubby one stared up at him silently with wide green eyes, the skinny one continuing her constant mewling until Adri sighed and walked out of the kitchen.

The rest of the day was spent with him trying to busy himself. Most of it was spent at his computer, working on various art pieces. The longer he sat, the more he found himself doing things like tapping his fingers or rocking in his chair.

He stopped himself as he noticed himself bumping his leg, his eyes narrowing.

"Fucking akathisia."

He had forgotten about the fun little side effects taking his medication entailed. It was more intense than the usual psychomotor agitation that his disorder gave him. Way more than he was used to.

He sighed, getting up and going downstairs, immediately deciding he was going to take a walk.

"I'm going out," he called out pathetically to his cats as he slipped a jacket on, opening his front door and taking a step outside.

It was a little chillier today, he noted. It was pretty late in the day anyway, not that he paid too much mind to that. If he didn't have a walk right now the akathisia was gonna drive him crazy. It might help him get to sleep easier too, now that he thought about it.

Those and similar thoughts buzzed around in his head as he walked, not really putting too much thought into his walking route. If it wasn't so late he'd probably walk to the park. It wasn't _too_ far but it was getting darker more quickly than he expected. And colder.

He rubbed his hands together and blew into them before shoving them into his pockets. A light shiver ran down his spine and he thought about the other day. The scenario hadn't been that different than it was right now, he noted. The only difference being this time he was medicated and out this late on his own accord.

Look at him, getting his shit together.

He continued to walk, considering going back home soon. This was probably enough walking to ease his restlessness, and going home and having a bath didn't sound like too bad of an idea either. He felt himself shiver again, this time turning into a tremor and suddenly he felt that familiar pressure upon himself again.

His eyes widened and he looked at his hands, wondering if this was really happening. Before he had time to think about it he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Tch. You again."

Adri turned around, seeing the strange man with the hole in his stomach. He looked annoyed again, once again, as if his presence was a disappointment.

"That's my line," Adri said aloud to him, turning to face him fully. He didn't think the first dose in a while was going to regulate him too much but he didn't expect to be hallucinating so vividly again in just a few days.

The blue-haired man cocked his head to the side at his words, his already lowered eyebrows furrowing further. He said nothing, just staring him down as if he were in total control of this situation and not just a product of mental illness.

"I didn't expect to see you again so soon. Or like, ever." Adri continued, not bothering to think about how crazy he must seem trying to engage in a conversation with a hallucination.

"That's _my_ line." the man spat gruffly, like it was an attempt at snark.

Adri stared at him for a moment, taking in his features again. God, he really was attractive as hell, just like he remembered. What the hell was his brain doing conjuring up shit like this? Maybe he was lonelier than he thought.

"The hell are you staring at?" the man spoke, rousing him from his stupor.

"Uh, you I guess," Adri spoke honestly, what did he have to hide from a product of his own mind?

One of the man's eyebrows went up. "You're awful forward for a human. What's your deal?" he growled like it was an accusation as opposed to a question. Like he didn't actually expect an answer, or at least one that would satisfy him.

"You keep calling me a 'human'. What the hell are you supposed to be, then?" Adri went right in for a question he'd been holding on to. He wondered if he'd even be able to get an answer, this was a really weird situation.

The man clicked his tongue irritably. "You're fucking clueless, I don't have time for this-"

"WAIT!"

The man growled at Adri's interruption but didn't disappear like he did last time.

"Seriously, what are you? Please, just tell me that."

A squint was the only response Adri got before he _did_ disappear, leaving Adri alone once more.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." he groaned, putting his hands on his head. He wasn't sure why he expected an answer, when were he and his brain ever on the same wavelength? Still, he had been a little hopeful seeing him again. He briefly wondered if this would become a regular thing before dispelling those thoughts. He was supposed to be hoping he DIDN'T see him again, that's what all this fuss over his medication was for.

He didn't stop to think about why that thought made him so apprehensive. Sighing deeply, he turned and made his way home, once again trying to get the man out of his head. At this rate he was going to have a problem. He sure as hell didn't want to explain to his therapist that he was crushing on his hallucinations.

Crush?

He shook his head. Fleeting fancy maybe. He was an attractive man, of course he'd still be thinking about him. This train of thinking only had him considering his own personal loneliness again. He rolled his eyes at himself. Dating was the last thing on his mind with all the bullshit he was going through. There was still plenty to do before he even remotely had his shit together. He briefly cursed the innate human need for companionship. And most of all he cursed the fact that a damn hallucination of all things was making him think about this.

Maybe he would have to talk to his therapist about this after all. That was a conversation he was certainly dreading, he sure as hell was a pro at dodging the relationship question whenever it got brought up. But if the result of avoiding it was thirsting over attractive men he hallucinated maybe it was worth a shot.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as a headache began to set in.

What a mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a dumb self-indulgent story I wanted to write about a very Bipolar 25-year-old falling in love with some weird monster guy.  



End file.
